Traces of Pink Piddy Paws

So….. last night was the “ubiquitous” coffee date with Ironman.

First off — he was running late — okay, no biggie, I was already in the area doing some window shopping.

Second off – he had *no clue* where he was going — I thought this was funny since I thought EVERYONE knew where this Starbucks was!

Third off – he kept “texting” me to ask for directions — ack! I can’t type that fast

Fourth off — I picked up the phone and called him and he had the THICKEST Southern accent I have heard in a very long time..ha.ha.ha.. yes.. it was actually the first time we had “spoken” since everything else had been done via email and text…

Fifth — he showed up and looked EXACTLY like his picture — well done.. very nice I say… ha..ha.ha…
(he was too cute with his “big, bad, biker look”.. I swear.. he could have been a character created in “Rock Band” with:)

his chin goatee:

his muttonchops:

and his Elvis style pompadour (think YOUNG Elvis, not old..):

HOLY CRAP!!!!

I *was* on a date with Elvis….ha..ha.ha…..!!!!!

So… Ironman sat down in the comfy green chair next to me and we proceeded to “chat”…..

Now….but “chat” I mean.. Ironman talked nonstop and I listened…

Yeah…. thrilling huh?

WHAT THE HELL????

According to any dating “advice” column you read, the #1 thing they say is:

1. Scale back your time of possession.
In football, the team that holds the ball for long stretches on offense invariably wins the game. In dating, forget football Sunday. Instead of towering over the chitchat, shelve the Me, Me, Me and talk less. Unlike the star of a rowdy cable news round table, defer and listen to your guest. In the end, you’ll learn more and foul up less.

But I have to tell you — not a single guy I’ve met YET has really bothered to ask me any questions.

Instead, they seem content to take a question that I ask and then run rampant with it.

Did I say rampant??

More like a charging, rabid RHINO !!!!

After the first hour….yeah.. I’m too nice, I know…

I knew ALL about the following subjects in Ironmans life –

#1.) His divorce and all it’s sordid details

#2.) His most recent relationship that resulted in an “accidental pregnancy”

****(at this point I’m wondering to myself … why haven’t I heard from Ranger??) ****

#3.) His work — to include the intricacies of his Union, his boss/worker relationship, his pay scale and his benefits

#4.) His back problems from the military

***(hmmmm…..still no word from Ranger.. I hope he’s okay…)***

#5.) His current medical problems and subsequent legal issues surrounding an incident that caused his current medical problems

#6.) His upcoming surgeries to correct his current medical problems

#7.) His concern that he’s become slightly agoraphobic due to the incident that caused his current medical problems

***(…..I can’t believe Ranger called me before he left for work today….that was *so* sweet of him….)***

#8.) His current moving plans AND an invitation to come over and help him “Pack Boxes”…uhhhh…yeah…

….sigh..….

Yeah…. I’d had enough at this point….

So, I told Ironman “You know.. I’m really tired.. I think I’m going to head home now.”

Then..and ONLY then.. did he actually change the subject and we had another 15 minutes or so talking about favorite movies, etc..

You know… “Normal Date” conversation….ha..ha.ha…..

But it was too little.. too late.. seriously…way…way… WAY… too late!

Ironman had sealed his fate as the ultimate ” Fixer Upper”:

“Charming Single Male w/ great potential. Unique location, secluded emotional impedimenta, lightly worn, two minutes to intimate attachments. Move-in ready for the do-it-yourself kind of girl.”

And let’s face it…. I’ve been down that road before and it’s not one that I want to go down again.

Thus… I must say “Adiós Ironman“

***Next up*****

Tonight’s date with “Pork Chop“….

p.s. — did I mention that Ranger called me late last night to tell me that he was “safe” and apologize for being incommunicado for so long? It had been a very, very, very rough night for him (yes.. he told me about several of the “calls” he had been on) and then he sweetly told me to go back to sleep and he would talk to me tomorrow. awwwwwwwww…….