Every Little Bit
It was pointed out to me, recently, that I have a “Caregiver” personality.
A brief synopsis would be:
“Caregivers are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don’t understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They’re very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. They are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.”
Reading the full description (click the link above) gave me pause.
Introspection is a scary thing.
But I’m thankful to the beautiful woman who caused me to give this such deep consideration.
My methods of giving are not the methods of everyone else.
Which has been a sticking point for me because it makes it hard for me to see how others give.
I’m coming to recognize and appreciate the little things for what they are – Acts of caring.
I’m coming to realize that every little bit counts.
Holding me tightly in the dark of the night because I’m suffering and there is nothing you can do to ease the pain.
Tucking the covers around me/ over me so that the sunlight won’t bother me and I can sleep later.
Sitting next to me instead of across from me at a restaurant so that I can touch you.
Having a hot cup of coffee ready for me when I wake up, fixed exactly to my liking.
Walking around in the dark, cold night and finding the one spot that has cell reception, just to wish me a good night.
Staying up into the wee hours, answering all my odd/quirky questions despite being so tired.
All these things do not go unnoticed by me.
And they are most certainly appreciated.
I’ve been told that I have a “lazy” personality, because I bail on all those tests by question 3.
Nice to be taken care once in a while, isn’t it?
It’s all about the little things.
GB is so right.. the little things mean so much. I know most women scoff that a man says that, but how we see relationships is not always a gender stereotype.
When the other person notices those little things they can keep happening. What hurts, is when they aren’t noticed until you give up and quit doing them. Have had some even expect those things as their “due”… that will kill a relationship… allright, must be MY time of the month… station break over…
Is caregiver the same as co-dependent?
Pistols — It’s not a “test” and they aren’t “questions”. They are actual occurrences that I have noticed AND told him that I noticed AND appreciated. Those are things that HE did for ME *just because* and that makes it all the more special.
Finn — It’s VERY nice and I’m working on noticing these things for what they are so that I can appreciate them.
GB — it can be about the little things. The hard part, for me, has been to notice them. Mostly because when I give it’s pretty much second nature to me AND it’s usually in small AND large ways.
Michael — I just finished reading Dave Barry’s “Complete Guide to Guys” and I gotta say.. you guys really DON’T see relationships the same way women do. Which makes me appreciate the little things he does even more.
Tabbie — I don’t think so. The difference being (for me) that I WANT to share my life with someone. If I were co-dependent it would be more like I NEED to share my life.
Kitty–No…co-dependancy leaves room for you to enable a behavior in another person that continues to exhibit negative behaviors.
I am pleased that you took my words with heart. You are a care giver. Sometimes, that means you get the dirty end of the stick. But….it also means that you deeply appreciate the better side of people with an understanding those sweet quiet efforts that dont require the words because you, as a care giver, see the arms reaching out as strength….not a crutch. I am so proud of you. ~~Dee
“Having a hot cup of coffee ready for me when I wake up, fixed exactly to my liking.”
damn, he’s good. Where can I get a female version of this, ranger?
But you’re right. Australian/american cultural differences aside, typically Western men are more pragmatic in giving and stuff. I’ve been caught out on this before- why give a flower that will, perhaps symbolically wither and die when you can build, say a new table or bed, that will endure a lot longer… or fix the car so she doesn’t have to walk to work in the snow… real, tangible things, in other words.
But I’m glad you notice them, perhaps you can have a chat to Sally for me?
~Dee~ – I took many things you said to me to heart, my darling. This is just one of the ones that I’m writing about in a public forum. heh..heh..heh…
I’m learning to see the little things for what they are. An honest effort by a good man to show me that he cares.
AB — well.. it helps that he also loves coffee as much as I do. Yeah.. who knew someone like that existed, right? ha..ha.ha.. But it also helps that I spoil him shamelessly when we are together. He has proven himself to be a careful observer and a deft hand at recreating actions that are pleasing. As he said to me once “You tend to do the things to others, that you would like having done to you” and he proves that with each sweet little gesture.
Umm.. I could chat with Sally, but I don’t know if she’d listen to me since she has NO clue who I am. ha..ha.ha..
“He has proven himself to be a careful observer and a deft hand at recreating actions that are pleasing”
Pavlov would be proud…
but yeah, it’s the way to go. Having limited innate understanding of emotions and social cues (I, like my child have been hit with the Aspergers stick) I’ve found it’s a useful strategy. Observe, analyse the effects of different reactions of different actions in different settings, and make behavioural choices appropriately.
It’s surprising how effective it is…
And yeah, maybe an American chick calling Sally and saying ‘Make Adam a coffee in the morning’ could backfire…
you are such a caring person kitty. you have no problem exerting your energy and time….even for those you don’t actually “know” or haven’t met. i can imagine that you are very loyal and kind to your friends. it’s nice that ranger does nice things for you and the best it that you do appreciate it very much. little things make up everything. it’s the basis of mainaining good relationships. it brings understanding and love of others as well.
Cute site … I really like it.
Hmmmmmmmmm…….. A text message at 6 in the morning serves to prove that you do love me
AB — it’s not surprising at all. Very “do unto others” theory. Good on you!
Princess — thank you!
Ms Leather – welcome to my little slice of the world. Glad you like it.
MissM — of COURSE I love you..and I know you were awake..ha..ha.ha..!