Where have all the good men gone?
You want to know where they’ve went??
I’ll tell you!
They are in hiding!
They are hiding from the roving packs of psycho bitches that seem to inhabit this earth.
These same, hideous, Medusa-like creatures that have terrified and scarred all the “Good Men” to the point that they are hiding in their caves, sucking their thumbs, pulling at their ears and crying Mommy! Mommy! ala “Prince John” in Disney’s Robin Hood.
Why do I say this?
Because I had the most enlightening conversation with Ranger this past weekend.
A conversation whereupon I learned the depths of insanity that women (in HIS past relationships) have gone to.
Here is an example that he gave me ——
He and his lady friend are on a car trip when she turns to him –
Her — “Are you hungry?”
Him — “Nope” .. and he continues driving.
Whereupon she A.) gets angry with him and B.) begins to pout and sulk
Ahhhh….. because this was a TRICK question!
When she asked “Are you hungry” what she was really indicating was that SHE was hungry and would like to get food, but instead of stating that simple fact, she put the onus of hunger onto HIM. But because he wasn’t hungry, she didn’t get the answer (or the food) that she actually wanted.
And yet.. instead of simply stating “I’m hungry and would like to stop for food.” she sits back and pouts and sulks because HE hasn’t anticipated her hidden agenda.
Huh???? Seriously…. I’m shaking my head here because I can’t even begin to fathom this kind of behavior. And yet… it’s a TRUE story!
Now granted — Ranger did expound upon this subject matter a bit further — and I was fairly disturbed by the depths of which he took the whole scenario –
++Let’s say he said he WAS hungry and stopped at a McDonald’s. Suddenly, he is insensitive to her because he’s trying to make her FAT by feeding her fast food.
++Let’s say he said he WAS hungry and stopped at a Subway because he was sensitive to her desire to eat healthy, but HE ordered a footlong meatball sub. NOW he’s back to being insensitive because he isn’t supporting her dieting habits and is eating something like that in front of her.
++The only solution…. to stop at Subway AND order the same, boring, healthy sandwich that SHE would order. Whereupon, HE is dissatisfied with his meal…..but she is happy.
Ummm…. okay dude… that’s taking it a little far, IMHO, but then.. you are the one that’s been dating the crazy women, so maybe that really IS how it would go over. Yikes!!!
LADIES!!!!
Please don’t perpetuate the already severe problem of “Male Mishandling”!
I know it’s hard to change.. but if you just speak clearly and concisely and state EXACTLY what it is you want then you and your man will be in a win-win situation.
Instead of asking “Are you hungry?” and hoping that he picks up on the hint (because…trust me.. he’s NOT going to!!)
Say very clearly to him – “Sweetie, I’m hungry and would like a sit down meal. May we please stop at a ________ (insert name of dining choice here) the very next chance we get?” ( I suggest you have a concept of what eating choices you have coming up on the highway!)
It doesn’t get any clearer than that AND it gives your guy something to focus on. He gets to focus on finding “____” (dining choice) at the upcoming exits. And let’s face it, men LOVE a quest, and finding your chosen eating establishment has now become a quest for him!
So you win by getting the meal you want and he wins by hunting down the meal you want. (even if he isn’t actually killing anything himself, it’s the same caveman “hunter” concept.) ha..ha.ha…
I know speaking plainly like this goes against the very essence of being female but we have to learn to change and adapt — because the guys aren’t going to!
It’s up to us Ladies….to stop the vicious cycle of “Good Man Genocide”.
We’ve had this saying, there are four types of men, two good types and two bad types. The bad – assholes (self explanatory) and idiots (they really can’t help it). The good – Gay & Your Relatives. Now you tell us this? It’s like when that fisherman caught a coelocanth and proved they weren’t extinct. So where are these caves exactly? ; )
****well, Ranger was hiding in his cave at home but I found him on match. Maybe you should try there? hee..hee… Yep.. Good Guys are NOT extinct!
Unfortunately the psycho women out there are just… ever so entertaining!
I had a thing for insane chicks when I was younger, and it was never boring. Frightening and downright dangerous at times (example: the ex who, upon becoming my ex, told her new karate-expert boyfriend that I used to beat her… unfortunately for her karate experts (the really good ones anyways) tend to be more inclined to seek peaceful resolutions and I ended up with a drinking buddy) but never… boring…
But definitely a good call on the being clear and concise. It’s not just talking to men that it pays to have this attitude with, but in all parts of life.
Sure, I’ve been called an insensitive prick sometimes, because of this, but at least there’s no ambiguity…
***Ahhh… and therein lies the rub… some guys LIKE the psycho chicks because it’s “entertaining”. Now by entertaining.. I mean — you never know if you are going to wake up with your penis still attached to your body — but hey… if that’s what floats your boat.. ha..ha.ha..
I’ve had this argument roughly 1,000,000 times, and I’ve given up. I don’t care what kind of looks I get from the vegan, I’m ordering ribs, because good ribs are more important to me than sleeping with her tonight.
***Now… THAT is where you differ from the typical “guy” mentality Pistols. Because most “Guys” would do pretty much whatever was necessary to get to have sex. ha..ha.ha… Now we know where your true priorities lie.
Your spot on with this one Cinn….most woman I’ve dated have done something like this….and some even to that extreme, and beyond. even after I’ve told them time and time again, ” I don’t take hints well, if you want something tell me, if you give a ‘hint’ and I don’t get it, then its not my fault”.
A couple of things I’d add – if you are going to ask us to stop let us know where you want to stop. – If I’m driving and your hungry, then I probably don’t care where we(you) eat, I am not the one that is hungry after all. at this point all I want to do is find you a place to eat so that you’ll be ok. don’t tell me ‘where ever you want to eat is fine” because I’m not hungry I don’t want to eat and that means I’ll probably choose a place that isn’t what you want, no matter how hard I try to get it right.
and finally if we ask you what you want to drink, don’t tell us ‘nothing I’ll just have some of yours” because our drink is ours, its America we can afford the extra buck fifty for your drink. we aren’t being selfish, we aren’t being mean, we aren’t against sharing…but we got our drink for us, and we’d be happy to get your drink for you…and if you don’t want all of your drink, thats fine, because then when we are done with ours we’ll happily drink what you didn’t want of yours and THEN we will have shared something with you.
***Yes well, Ulrich, you are a special case. You, yourself, admit that not only do you not take “hints” well..but that you also need things spelled out in a VERY specific way..
Actually…I thought I was pretty clear that the woman should state the NAME of the place she wanted to eat.. my example stated clearly “Sit down meal” which is important… AND “insert name of eating establishment here” which is ALSO very important. See.. I was anticipating the fact that there is a difference between a sit down meal and a drive through AND I anticipated the fact that the woman should state WHERE she wanted to eat so that she got what she wanted and the guy clearly understood what she wanted. ha..ha.ha….
Are you sure you read the whole thing or did you just gloss through it?
now thats crazy. i can’t imagine leaving all of the guess work to them. just causes ridiculous, stupid arguments. i just say what I want. makes life a little simpler. now if I say what I want and don’t get it…i might just pout.
***Ahhh.. but princess.. the question is.. when you say what you want is it a reasonable request? I mean… asking for Ruth Chris when there is only Applebee’s available is kind of a no-win situation. ha..ha.ha…
I’ve heard the saying “I’m just waiting for one man to prove to me that he’s not like every other guy” so many times. Whenever I hear it, I am already pushed back and find it harder to get close to a woman. I just want to respond and tell them “Well stop acting like all the other bitches out there and I will”.
Good post!!
****I think we ALL have our defense mechanisms in place JP. And that only perpetuates the problem. If we would all just STOP and treat each other like individuals instead of “genders” I bet we could get past a lot of this stuff, ya know?
Thanks! I actually found myself tearing up at the way Ranger has been treated by some women. It makes me angry at my own gender, as a whole. Luckily, I know we are NOT all like that. But apparently, there are more psycho’s than I realized. ha..ha.ha…
Ha ha ha…well, I’ve been guilty of that. Sort of. Although I like to think I was bit justified. See, I enjoyed cooking (and eating) with my ex, and it seems he did too, so I’d tell him to let me know when he was hungry and planning on cooking, so I could join him (we live like 3 minutes away from each other). The thing is – he does not have an eating schedule at all. Sometimes he’d eat at 10, sometimes at 2, sometimes at 1 AM, etc. So a lot of times I’d end up waiting for ages to eat – finally I’d get hungry, call him, ask him if he was hungry, and he’d oftentimes tell me that “no”, he wasn’t hungry, and he had just had a snack or something so he wasn’t planning on eating for a couple hours. That’s where I’d get pissed off. I didn’t get mad because he wasn’t hungry – that’s just illogical – but I’d get mad because he KNEW I wanted to eat with him (I had told him so clearly), he KNEW I was waiting for him to call – if he didn’t want to eat with me, or wanted to eat out, or whatever, he could have had the balls to pick up the phone, call me, and let me know that dinner plans were off. Right?
(And yes, I finally told him to shove it and started eating whenever the hell I wanted. It worked out much better that way.
****Okay.. see.. I think what could have helped is if you had stated a specific *time* for the two of you to get together for dinner. By leaving it at “let me know when you plan on cooking” was too open ended and left too much room for different agendas. Instead, maybe agreeing that by 7pm you guys would get together and do dinner? Or, if it’s 7pm, you agreed to touch base and if he still wasn’t hungry then you could do your own thing. That way, you were waiting on HIS schedule and he wasn’t going to get in trouble for not being on your schedule?
Me, personally.. I don’t like to leave things open ended. But then, I’m a control and schedule freak too.. ha..ha.ha…
I hate when women do this.
But now I have to wonder… I dated a guy whose former girlfriend he described as “crazy.” I am not crazy (really, I’m not) an d I don’t pull that crap on guys — any of it. So why did he dump me and go back to the psycho?
Could you ask Ranger for me? Because it’s been bothering me for years.
***Oh.. I think this one goes back to something Aussie Boy brought up. Some guys are addicted to the adrenaline that dating a psycho causes. ha..ha.ha…
Sorry, I have to disagree. If you (generally speaking) keep dating morons, it’s not because there are only morons out there, it’s because that’s who you want to date.
You can’t blame someone else for a mistake you keep making.
(Again, “you” doesn’t refer to YOU, kitty kitty. I’m just not up to typing him/her over and over.)
This is one of my pet peeves, actually. Just because you’re so stupid you keep dating the same type of person, don’t assume that’s the only type out there.
Then, too, after one little episode like the specific one you mentioned, a smart guy would, the next time the “are you hungry?” question came up, make sure he asked some follow up questions. Instead of blaming it on the psycho bitch.
Just saying . . .
***Well, there is a difference between CHOOSING to date the psychos when you figure out that they are psycho and dating a psycho simply because they haven’t exhibited their full flavor of “crazy” just yet. ha….ha..ha.ha….
And honestly, I can see where you would put up with a few things here and there because if we, as a dating pool, didn’t.. if we wrote people off at the first hint of something “off” then NO ONE would date.
I think it goes back to the concept of there is no Mr. or Mrs. Right.. .because NO ONE is perfect. We have to be able to find the person whose flavor of “crazy” matches ours. ha..haha.
The problem is — there are an awful lot of women out there who are playing games with these guys. They are manipulative and intent on changing the man to suit their needs.
It doesn’t and shouldn’t be that way.
And yes… I do believe that a man SHOULD take a lesson from the aforementioned experience but that doesn’t mean that women can’t work on communicating better.
WHY can’t a woman simply state that she is hungry and wants to stop?
Why does she have to ask open ended questions that rely on the man to pick up on the unspoken hint?
It’s not really fair to them and it’s not a good communication method.
But then, as Ranger as happily noted, I’m *NOT* a typical female.
I gotta say, I’m one of those ones who MIGHT say “are you hungry” to my husband. However, I have him well trained. He may answer something like, “nope…..are you?” To which point I say, “a little”. He then would reply, “wanna get something to eat then?” and so on and so forth.
But then again, I’ve had him 8 years and he’s very well trained
***Ahhh.. but in the beginning of your relationship with him, BEFORE the training… was it really fair to do that to the poor man? I mean, you were expecting him to go against typical guy nature, which is to see the question for it’s face value and nothing more.
NOW.. you’ve had 8 years to train him and the fact that he actually DOES understand what you mean when you say “are you hungry” is a testament to the fact that he loves you and wants to be with you and wants you to be happy! (oh.. and that he knows he’s going to get sex AND mind blowing BJ’s from you too.. ha.ha..ha..)
Well, that’s actually part of my peeve. I think those ‘crazy’ behaviors are always there, that most of the time, the guy (or girl) KNOWS they’re there, and they CHOOSE to date the person anyway, for whatever reason (DD tits, great blowjobs, big dick, whatever). Later on, when the bloom is off the rose and he or she is tired of the other him or her, the guy (or girl) says “Oh, s/he turned out to be pyscho!”
Reality – s/he ALWAYS was, he or she knew it, and choose to disregard it. And the pattern repeats itself the next time.
But that’s just me. I don’t believe the majority of people are that good at fooling others, unless the others want to be fooled.
And I am one who is very quick to nip things in the bud when I see something I don’t like. Sorry to screw it up for everyone else!
***again Swoof.. you prove yourself to be the exception, not the norm. Most folks won’t “cut bait” quite as quickly as you. ha..ha.ha… When we find something about a potential mate that doesn’t quite “sit” with what our ideas or needs are of the ideal mate we have to choose what action to take.
I mean… take me for example. Should I cut Ranger off just because he doesn’t give gifts? I mean, I LOVE getting little gifts.. even just silly things like a fuzzy pen. But.. turns out he comes from a large family that isn’t big into gift giving because of the cost involved. So from an early age he was trained out of gift giving. But I’m not going to dump him because of that. I’ve resolved myself to understand it and realize that he’s just that way and it’s a make or break thing for me.
Should I cut him loose because he snores? Nope…because we talked about it and he tries very hard to be conscious of it and *not* snore and I try very hard to understand that sometimes it’s gonna happen no matter what.
These are just little examples and I know they are “crazy” behaviors, but still.. it’s the same principle (in my mind). We either adapt, overcome or cut loose. You are just quicker to decide than most of us.
OMG this happens all the time. IT is very hard to find women that will speak there mind. Do they teach you girls this crazy shit when they separate the boys and girls in elementary school for sex ed?
***Hey.. trust me Mike… we women are pretty sure that they pull you guys aside and teach you GUYS some crazy shit too. So we are in the same boat.. just reading different manuals.
No, silly, because in the end, the kind of things you mention (gifts and snoring) are just things. We adapt and learn.
But warning signs? Those are there, we just ignore them too often. A bad temper that leads to breaking things. Cutting, insulting remarks that are laughed off as “just kidding and you’re just too sensitive.” Manipulative behavior that the other person thinks is “cute” until it’s not. When we’ve had enough, we walk away playing the ’she turned out to be nuts!” card when, really, she was nuts all along, you just put up with it until you decided not to anymore.
Going back to your example (because that’s the closest one) of “Are you hungry?” I can *guarantee* you that question was not the first time that chick expected him to read her mind. It’s not the first time she got pissy because he didn’t do what she wanted him to do, even though she didn’t tell him exactly what that was.
I can also *guarantee* you that after the first time she played that little trick, Ranger-boy KNEW what she was doing and ignored it on purpose, to make a point of his own. Because THAT is a very typical guy thing to do.
(Well, I can’t “guarantee” that last because I really don’t know any of the parties involved, but I’m confident enough that I’d bet money on it.)
And…I’m sorry to hijack your thread. As you can tell from reading mine, I’m pissy today. So, I’m being pissy over here, too.
Love you, though! Mean it!!
***No.. you have a valid point Swoof. Even Ranger admitted that he would put up with a certain amount of crazy because he was still getting sex at the end of the day. BUT, that doesn’t excuse the women from behaving in a crazy way. Why not just grow up and have a grown up relationship instead of all this drama….testing him… but he doesn’t know it’s a test.. but he’s going to fail anyway because he doesn’t even know he’s being tested and he can never pass the test in the first place.. kind of crap?
I mean really…. for the most part.. it’s the women that come up with that crazy kind of “he should answer me THIS way and if he doesn’t then he’s done for” kind of games. True???
Women shouldn’t EXPECT men to read our minds. That’s not realistic in any way, shape or form. Saying that the guy should “adapt” after the first experience and that he should anticipate her needs when she does that kind of open ended question also means that he is going to wind up supporting HER bad habit of not speaking her mind. So WHY should a guy encourage that kind of behavior?
Would/Did Ranger do something like that? yeah.. probably.. which also isn’t healthy…but then it can be easy to get sucked into a pissing contest like that, too.
Hey babe… Hijack away!! It’s more fun to have a spirited discussion, don’t ya know. ha..ha.ha..
Love ya back, my Jedi Master!
xoxoxo
Men are as simple as rope. The only problem with some women is that they try to PUSH the rope, and have you ever tried to push a rope?
So a smart woman, or one that has learned that at times, when its basics of life, like food, sex or material needs, its better to PULL the string along. For areas like needs, emotional, loving (not physical like sex) and the all important “How Do I Look?” then men need to learn on the fly, get better at reading subtle hints before she has to respond by pushing that rope.
So trust us, if your hungry, horny or needing some help getting “stuff”, let us know, dont give us the 5 question routine, and you will get what you need, we will feel like we have done and earned an attaboy, and then when you are wanting us to take the initiative, then with time we learn by trial and error, and you wont have to push our ropes.
Why do you think god gave us peckers? Easier to grab our ropes! LOL
***But see,Larry…I really think that a lot of the “subtle” crap needs to just be cut out. Ranger once said that I had put him in a bad position by asking him a question that he felt there was no “good” answer to. But that’s because he was used to dealing with women who DO that…. the age old “Does this make my ass look fat” question.
With me….I KNEW when I asked him the question that there was a good possibility that the answer would not be what I wanted to hear, but I asked him anyway. I was PREPARED for bad news but hoped for good. If that makes sense. And he wasn’t used to that.
As I said to him “Babe.. I will NEVER ask you a question that I don’t want to know your honest answer to. That’s just not how I operate!” And that really blew him away.
Communication shouldn’t rely on subtlety or hints or expectations. It should be clear enough that both parties understand. Ya know?
Don’t you think that relationships would go A LOT better if that were the case?
I wish it were that easy. I have gone as far as to tell my husband that “I am hungry and could we stop in the next 10 mintues. I don’t care where, I am just hungry.” The man still doesn’t stop. BECAUSE he isn’t hungry. THIS SO GOES BOTH WAYS!!! I am about as specific as possible – hey fucker I am going to kill you if you don’t stop and let me pee in the next 2 minutes – and it doesn’t get me far. (okay so I am not that mean) lol
***Okay Heidi.. THAT is something completely different. THAT is a case of the man just not giving a DAMN about you and that is a whole nother ball of issues. Babe.. I’m really sorry to hear that you had that happen to you. That sucks and makes me want to rip his testicles off and make him turn in his man card.
And now that I think about it – you are so right. I haven’t said that phrase often enough (see above comment). I probably should be more specific.
***Well…I’m not really condoning violence but in this case.. yeah.. I think maybe you SHOULD use that statement with THAT man…. ha..ha.ha..
Got me on a short leash, tied to your screen door
I used to run with the big dogs ’til I stretched out on your front porch
Used to be a hound dog, chased a lot of fast cars
Now I don’t even bark when the kitty cats stroll through the back yard
I used to howl at the moon, yeah I’ve been known to roam
Then I caught her trail one day, followed this girl home
I ain’t the same, she knows how to put my chain
They say that an old dog, can’t learn a new trick
Well she taught me to stay the first day and I learned real quick
There’s a doghouse, a fence and a gate latch
I keep my tail waggin’ and I don’t mind beggin for a good scratch
I used to howl at the moon, yeah I’ve been known to roam
Then I met this girl one day that brought this old stray home
I ain’t the same, she knows how to pull my chain
I used to howl at the moon, yeah I’ve been known to roam
Then I caught her trail one day, followed this girl home
I ain’t the same, she knows how to pull my chain
(From Pull My Chain, by Toby Keith)
yeah, truly open communication is the only way to go. With my current wife, in 10 years, I can say that i have only made her get upset once. Stupid yes, but it wasnt due to a lack of communication. Hey, we all make mistakes every so often. Chit, with my first wife, I had a 200 foot tall redwood cut down with all the chips we created. So I figure that was a trial marriage, this one is the real deal.
Now, my wife says Honey, I want to get something to eat. She doesnt ask me the question when she has to state something. And when I want something, I just tell her. Men dont have trouble deciding. But 20 questions… please, rip my fingernails off first, then make me watch “How Do I Look”
LOL
***Yup… statements ..not 20 questions… things would be SO much easier if we (the male/female gender) operated that way.
Now.. questions are still allowed when you are trying to get to know someone though..ha..ha.ha. I’m pretty sure Ranger is used to my 20 questions…but then, he’s so much FUN to learn about!
I don’t pull that crap at all. I’m a demanding bitch, which is also a problem for the men I date.
*** but at least your demands are clear.
They can’t say that you don’t communicate clearly. hee..hee…
cinnkitty, i was actually refering to any request. he broke a big ceramic bowl of mine about a month ago. i have asked hime 5 times nicely to get it the hell out of the cupboard and today it fell out onto my older son. i was not impressed to say the least! just want to be taken seriously. i do for him, he needs to do for me.
***hmmm…that’s not good. That’s kind of reminiscent of that episode of Raymond where neither one of them moved the suitcase at the end of the stairs and it sat there for a month! It became a bone of contention. Your bowl is that suitcase….but now it’s broken.
So.. if he consistently ignores your clear requests.. what do you do about it?
***hmmm…that’s not good. That’s kind of reminiscent of You said…..”that episode of Raymond where neither one of them moved the suitcase at the end of the stairs and it sat there for a month! It became a bone of contention. Your bowl is that suitcase….but now it’s broken.
So.. if he consistently ignores your clear requests.. what do you do about it? ”
What do you do about it?
You kick him in the jimmies!
***wow… and you are a GUY suggesting a swift kick to the jimmies? Dude.. that’s harsh man.. funny..but harsh! ha..ha..ha..
I think that all men need to be trained – if their momma doesn’t do it well enough (my hubby’s mama had him trained fairly well), then the GF needs to take over. Its a tricky business..training a man..you have to make them understand that you’re not trying to get them to conform, merely to get them to understand how women work, because we work so much differentely than they do.
***I agree that there is a bit of a “learning curve” to the whole relationship process… BUT I don’t like the word “training” we train our animals..not our men.. Ya know? Besides, we WOMEN need to adapt as well. It can’t all be up to the guys to change. WE have to work at changing too!
Okay, okay, I’ll hold my hands up to this one. Guilty as charged!
(walks away with head hanging in shame……………..)
But wouldn’t life be boring if I didn’t live it like a cryptic clue?
***Nope Sparkle, I don’t think you could ever be boring. And so long as you don’t get tweaked with Mr. S when he doesn’t *get* your cryptic clues.. it’s all good. It’s the women who get MAD at their men for this, that gets me riled.
There is no such thing as a good man. They are extinct.
I have heard however that they is a off set of the species -
“A sorta decent man with issues.”
I’d stay away from them though. lol
***hey.. we ALL have our issues babe. As it was pointed out to me.. we are just looking for someone whose “crazy factor” matches ours! ha..ha.ha..
There are decent men out there…I think I may have discovered one…
***oooo.. you are SUCH a tease!!
ummm. . . Did that really happen to Ranger? My therapist used that EXACT example to me nearly 10 years ago. I thought it was from psych book. . .
Anyway. Glad to know they are hiding bu tI’m tired of looking under rocks for them. They are just going to have to come to me.
***Yep.. that is an honest to gosh story that really happened to him. I left out the part where he eventually turned around and brought her back to Atlanta and she didn’t even realize it until he pulled up to her car and said “Get out”. ha..haha….!
Well, Queen…. don’t give up just yet… besides.. under rocks is bad.. that’s where the scum sucking slime monster reside!