I’d give it an 8 Dick. It’s got a good beat and it’s fun to dance to.
Some of my friends call me naive.
Okay….MOST of my friends call me naive or “Pollyanna” if you prefer.
Mostly because of the following topic —– “The Dating Rating System”
Have you ever heard a guy or girl see someone and then assign a NUMBER to that person?
“Oh..he’s an 8!”
“She’s a 4.”
OR
I don’t get that.
Seriously, I don’t!
Which is why the last couple of days have been very interesting.
I brought this subject up with Ranger the other day and he actually TOLD ME that he felt I was out of his league!
“Mind you….only *slightly* above me but still above me.” he said.
*snort!* *giggle!*
He says that I’m intelligent, funny, professional, independent and a hottie (awwww..he thinks I’m a hottie!).
And because of these very things, it places me out of his league.
He says that he actually finds himself trying harder to be charming, funny, interesting in order to keep my attention.
I was SHOCKED that he:
A.) thought this
and
B.) believed in the whole rating/league concept
Ranger is extremely attractive, funny, smart and witty. He’s a dedicated public servant who is very good at what he does. He’s sweet, loving and honest. He’s a GOOD MAN! So why in the world would he say that??
I DON’T subscribe to this concept (obviously or I wouldn’t be writing about it, huh?) so I’m constantly trying to understand it.
What REALLY got to me though, was at dinner last night!!
Ranger and I met up with “The Mysterious D” at Chow Baby and at some point, “D” looked at Ranger and said “Kitty is out of your league!” to which Ranger nodded and replied “I know.”
It was like some kind of male bonding moment that I, the subject in question, just couldn’t fathom!
WHY would “D” think something like that?
WHY would “D” say something like that?
WHY does “D” think I’m out of Rangers league??
And most importantly — WHY do there have to be leagues in the first place????????
(apparently — “Knocked Up” was a perfect example of different leagues and NO, I’m not using that as a comparison to Ranger and I)
Can’t dating simply be a matter of attraction and common interests?
I mean — If I see a guy, there is going to be a physical attraction or not.
If I don’t find him attractive, that doesn’t mean he’s not in my league.
It simply means he doesn’t exhibit the physical attributes that I *personally* am attracted to.
Conversely — I have gotten to KNOW guys and while the initial physical attraction isn’t there for me, by getting to KNOW them I find myself attracted to them.
I don’t think in terms of “He’s an 7 and I’m a 5″.
I don’t think in terms of “He’s above/below/in my league.”
I think in terms of –”I find him attractive/funny/smart and want to get to know him better.”
So WHY does this make me a Pollyanna?
Do tell……. I really want to hear what you have to say about this!!!!!
Filed under: Friends, Life in general, Living and Loving, Men, Ranger, The Mysterious "D", dating
Don’t ask me. I agree with you. The only reason I would ever use a rating system is for fun - say I’m vacationing in Cancun, and me and the girlfriends are picking out hot (or not so hot) men from the crowd. That would be the ONLY time (seeing as it’s unlikely I’ll actually get to know the person). But when it comes to relationships and actually trying to get to know someone and being attracted to someone - yeah, that totally depends on the person. I’ve liked really handsome men, not-very-handsome-at-all men, and in between, simply because I really enjoy their company and we have so much in common. So….basically….yeah, I don’t know, Kitty. Don’t ask me.
***I’m with you PG. I’ve loved a range of men that span the “looks” department. But it always came back to personality.
I hate when someone says that to me… I have no idea what that means! And why do THEY get to decide who’s in MY league. That’s my call, isn’t it?
***It’s wild huh?? And the really weird part? I’ve never had someone tell me that **I** was dating out of my league, it was always that the guy I was dating was out of *my* league. So what.. are they saying they think I’m shallow? Huh???
Kitty, - we’ve spoken of this MANY times in the past. The fact that you don’t like or apply the rating system makes you a very rare and special person. – It also speaks to some extent not only to the depth of your thought and personality (you’re not shallow) but it also speaks to your history, your past, where you came from, and what you’ve been through.
I started to write a much longer post but it just became easier to write my own damn blog about it and link it to you here.
http://ulrichvb.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/wow-shes-a-10/
***Wow.. a whole BLOG by you based on one from me. I’m so *proud* of you ulrich.. hee..hee… I’ve read your side and I promise to comment!
But thank you for the kind words, I do appreciate them.
I agree with you. There should be no leagues.
You ARE a hottie, though.
***We should start a chant! Instead of “No Nukes” it could be “No Leagues! No Leagues!” ha.ha..ha… Awwww…thank you Fabby. I really don’t think I’m a hottie, but thank you for saying that.
oh miss polyanna! i can soooo relate! i have never been one to go out with someone based on looks. i view the entire package before deciding. just because you wanna get it on with someone (because they are super sexy-hot) doesn’t mean they will make a good partner. i have had many people make that comment about me and my ex. they say “wow, you guys didn’t seem to match. you are out of his leugue.” I never felt that way when i was with him at all. actually, my current bf is the most physically attractive to OTHER women of anyonw I have ever been with. it almost makes it harder for me. plays a little on my own insecurity because he is several years younger, and younger women look at him like meat. TOO BAD BITCHES! HE’S MINE!
you are a hottie though. i think guys view it through the eyes of other men. they rate a woman based on some physical concept (not all of them but the ones who rate, understand) that they notice themselves, but also they see other guys noticing.
***I’ve talked to a lot of guys about this concept and you’ve kind of hit the nail on the head Princess. Some of it IS the fact that guys notice other guys noticing. ha..ha..ha.. And, of course, it’s an ego boost for them to have a girl in their lives that OTHER guys would want. Hmmmm…..very “look what I have and you can’t have it” silliness, if you ask me, but hey… I don’t do the “rating thing”.
Ooooo… so you are a saying your guy is a hottie AND a total boy toy? hee..hee..
Like I told Ulrichvb….Tom Brady, Matthew MacConaughey, Gerard Butler….they’re out of my league simply because we don’t run in the same social circles and due to our financial situations we’ll probably NEVER have enough in common to put us in the same room, much less in a relationship!
I’m like you. If there’s mutual attraction and common ground…hotness and looks just don’t matter. Besides, in my book a highly developed sense of humor is #1 on my “What’s Sexy” list! The whole concept of “league” based on hotness doesn’t make sense to me.
Oh…and Ulrichvb’s blog was like sitting in a calculus class or something. SO MUCH MATH!!!
***Ahhh…but Disa, I think if you DID have the chance to meet Tom, Matt or Gerard you shouldn’t think they they were out of your league. You are smart, funny and beautiful and THEY would notice that if they met you.
Humor is definitely the big one. I’ve heard plenty of women say that if a guy doesn’t make them laugh, it never works out!
Oh, and I believe Ulrich actually toned down the math. ha..ha.ha..!
Hmm…I agree with you. But I have to admit that there have been times when I see a couple and have thought that the people are not in the same league. But I so agree with you. I find individual people attractive and there really isn’t a common link for me, it 100% individual. Thanks for saying this, I am not going to think “leagues” for others and assume that there is something they find attractive about each other.
***Ahhh yes, the “Wow, how did HE get a girl like that or What could he possibly see in HER?” type scenario. Yep, I’ve been with friends when they said stuff like that while looking at a couple they felt were mismatched and I’ve NEVER understood why my friends would think that way. I like the think that people pair up for a reason and if they are happy, we should be happy for them, right?
Good for you that you are willing to change your mindset on this!
Well….I maybe biased, but I think you are out of his league and he should work VERY hard to make your happy with that in his mind. I dont know him at all, but I know you….and you deserve the best!
The only time I object to a “rating system” is if someone is using it to damage their own self esteem. If saw someone I thought was out of my league…game on. He is mine cause I am going for it. Ask The Marine. I up my game when the stakes are high and everyone should feel like they are a prize to be won and a treasure to be savored. ~~Dee
***Okay Dee, I’m going to take this a little to the extreme, but bear with me.
If I were to believe in the rating system and the concept, that I am out of Rangers league, and that he SHOULD be working hard to earn me then conversely — that means that I shouldn’t do anything to earn him since I’m “above him” in the rating system? That he has to do all the work??
Wouldn’t that make me the epitome of shallow and vain?
Which, in turn, would make me less of a person and less worthy to be “earned”.
It’s kind of like — the fact the he tells me that I’m a hottie. I think it’s really sweet that he thinks so and I love it, but I don’t believe that I’m a hottie. And I’m okay with that. Because the minute I buy into that..the minute I SAY I’m a hottie…I’ve become vain and shallow. I’d rather appreciate the fact that he thinks I am and continue believe that I’m not.
As it stands, I don’t believe in the league concept and I think that my relationship with Ranger is based on both of us trying to make things work. Which seems to be the healthiest thing for us both.
What do you think???
I believe in the ratings system a bit - at least when it comes to me.
I’m a “0″.
I have had people tell me that Scott was “out of my league” (using different terms most of the time), and I’ve had people tell me that my ex was out of my league. I’ve never once had someone tell me that I was out of someone else’s league.
And you are a hottie! Ranger’s a hottie too
****Ooooo….Randi…. Dee is *so* gonna get on your case for saying you are a “0″. You are NOT a 0!!!! And you need to tell me who these people are that have been so negative towards you because I swear I’m gonna come up there and beat their asses!! grrrrrr……
The rating thing ONLY works when rating bed skills and only apply to you personally (b/c how the hell is anyone else going to know what a 5 is? Your 5 might be their 8, b/c they have never had amazing sex and think its good sex, etc. . . ) Rating someone’s looks is soo 3rd grade.
And the Outta my league thing. . I do think it applies, and dammit if I wouldn’t be so tired I would elaborate.
more later.
****Well….. I’m still waiting lady! Where’s my elaboration? hee..hee.. !!
Well, wasn’t gonna comment, but Disa has a point. While I care more about personality then numbers (ask my check book), still everyone does this to some extent. For instance, I wouldn’t date someone on parole for murder or child molestation, or someone who lives in his mom’s basement and hasn’t had a job since Pizza Inn in 1985 because to me that says something about a person’s dreams and goals and they don’t match mine, it wouldn’t work and why get that started only to crash and burn, (maybe really burn if it was the murderer)
Also, if the guy says you are out if his league, its probably because he thinks you are fabulous on some level.
So in honor of Patrick Swazye
She’s like the wind through my tree
She rides the night next to me
She leads me through moonlight
Only to burn me with the sun
She’s taken my heart
But she doesn’t know what she’s done
Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can’t look in her eyes
She’s out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She’s like the wind
(SOLO)
I look in the mirror and all I see
Is a young old man with only a dream
Am I just fooling myself
That she’ll stop the pain
Living without her
I’d go insane
Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can’t look in her eyes
She’s out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She’s like the wind
Feel your breath on my face
Your body close to me
Can’t look in your eyes
You’re out of my league
Just a fool to believe
(Just a fool to believe)
She’s like the wind
(Just a fool to believe)
Just a fool to believe
(She’s like the wind)
Just a fool to believe
(Just a fool to believe)
She’s like the wind
(Just a fool to believe)
Just a fool to believe
She’s like the wind
(Just a fool…
(She’s like the wind)
(She’s like the wind)
(Just a fool…
(She’s like the wind)
***And just like THAT, I was giggling madly because I remember a spoof a radio station did when this song was hot.. only it was titled “She Passes Wind”…ha..ha…ha…
Thanks Trixie, I needed that laugh!
Oh, I’m late, but gotta say. I think leagues are really just superficial when it’s us on the outside looking in. You know, the people watching thing. And it’s basically harmless fun, right? I see a couple I think wow, how’d you get that lucky, when there’s a big “difference” in the two. But, between two people in the actual relationship? It should not matter. Unfortunately, very often one of them is using the other’s place on the scale. Either to up their own status, (trophy wife?) or that whole martyr thing. I used to know a woman who was very attractive that told me she only dated, and I quote, “ugly men” because they treated her better, they were “grateful.” So, you my dear, imho, are not actually a Pollyanna for your attitude. You’re just a lovely person. : )
***You are never late darlin’, just fashionably “timed”!
Seriously..someone ACTUALLY told you that ugly guys were more grateful to date her?? That is just sick! SICK! SICK! SICK!! ugh…
If you’re happy, who on earth cares about leagues? Take it as a compliment from him (it very much is, it’s his way of saying “damn, you’re cute!”), and worry about it not in the least.
***Oh trust me, I *do* take it as a compliment, but then he did tell me he thought I was a hottie…awwwww…. hee.hee…that still tickles me.
I don’t understand this system or this game, but I do know that I have won it.
***Actually Drac — I’d say BOTH of you won. You are wonderful together, you have a beautiful baby and things are good. I’d say your lovely wife feels just as lucky to have YOU as you feel to have her!
xoxoxoxo
I agree Drac and C are a great couple, but come on, really - I have to agree with Drac….he won. He is certainly playing out of his league.
Nothin’ but love.
Ulrich
**Wow.. if that’s your version of *love* for your friends, I’d hate to see what you your version of *hate* is.