I ain’t your Bee-yotch….bitch!
+++warning! foul mouthed rant ahead!++++
Despite the fact that there are 4 other folks in my office at any given time, I’m the *ONLY ONE* who ever answers the phone.
Lazy fuckers!
Seriously…they will sit there at their desk, watching YouTube or picking their noses (or pehaps both at the same time) and completely ignore the “BRRRRIIIINGGGG” of the phones.
God forbid I don’t put the 3 calls I’m already taking, on hold, and pick up the new call.
Because after the 4th ring, the caller goes to our “daymail” system and that just pisses “The Boss” off.
(if you are so damn worried about it, pick up the damn phone yourself, you office monkey!)
What really tweaks me though, is that 95% of the calls I field aren’t even related to work.
Nope — here’s a run down:
4-5 times per day — Sales Manager Bitch from Hell’s daughter calls. Jumping Jesus F’ing Christ on a pogo stick! She is 23 years old and a full time college student. Cut the fucking apron strings already! And the kicker? If I tell the daughter that “SmBH” is in a meeting or on another call.. the little mini-bitch will get all snotty with me and say “Fine… I’ll just call her on her cell phone!” Ummm… heifer??? What part of “she’s with a client or on the phone” do you just not get?
Once every hour — I get a call from the “Lowe’s Harrasment Department” (aka: collections). THIS shit has been going on for several months now. But it’s NOT for my company. Oh no, it’s for Sales Manager Bitch from Hell. That’s right. Apparently, she stopped paying her bill and the office # is the only thing they have to reach her (I tried giving them her cell #.ha..ha.ha..). Now, there is this little law that states “if an employer tells the collection agency to stop calling for an employee, they are legally required to stop”. (see the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, governed by the FTC) Trust me, I’ve quoted this law to these blood sucking leeches over and over again, but they don’t listen. There is a REASON it’s called the “harrasment dept.”. I’m to the point, now, where I will see their number pop up on caller ID and I just pick up the phone for a sec — then hang it back up. Geez….
And if you call in with the “I’d like to speak with the person who makes the decision on..”_______” (purchasing, cleaning, marketing, etc..) don’t fucking fight with me when I tell you “I’m sorry we aren’t interested.” YOU called ME and then you have the balls to fight with me when I tell you no? Screw you, cockroach! You are the nasty ass telemarketer. You are the person everyone loves to hate. So don’t take an attitude with me because YOU made a poor career choice. Go flip burgers or something instead…everyone loves french fries.
But my favorite.. my absolute FAVORITE are the random people who just get shitty with me because I’m doing my damn job.
I’m supposed to screen the calls.
Hello?
That’s a standard business practice.
So when you call and ask for Joe Blow, I’m going to ask you 2 things —
#1 ) May I tell them who’s calling?
#2) May I tell them what the call is in regards to?
It’s not fucking rocket science people!!
So when you get bitchy and snippy with me and retort “No, it’s a private matter” or “They’ll know why I’m calling” DON’T be surprised if your call goes into the Never-Never-Land ether of my phone system.
(and seriously..WHY do you have to get bitchy and snippy with me?? WHY?? I’m just doing my damn job!)
FUCK YOU!
I’m not asking you this stuff because I’m trying to be nosy.
I don’t really give a rat’s ass what your issue/call is about.
But my job is to make sure that calls are routed to the appropriate people.
So when you call, asking for “The Boss” but then your call is in regards to a mortgagee clause for Joe Blow’s loan, you don’t ACTUALLY need to talk to “The Boss”.. I can give you that information or my processor can.
Hell — when people call up and say they want to talk to a loan officer about getting a mortgage, I have to screen the call to make sure it goes to the appropriate loan officer.
Why?
Because a lot of them pay for their own advertising or have their own referral contacts.
So if I send you to Tinca Tittyshirt, when you had been reading Bobby Buttfuck’s ad in the yellow pages, Bobby is getting the shaft.
And guess who takes the SHIT from the fall out when it becomes clear that it was Bobby’s lead?
Yeah… me.. little ole’ me — The person who gets shit from the client for asking so many questions AND gets shit from the workers for not asking *enough* questions.
…sigh…
I’m just fucked, aren’t I?
Well, damn….
++++++++++++++++
and yes, I’m in a foul mood as I write this.. I’m guessing my potty mouth might give it away.
and yes, I just fielded yet another call from someone who got pissy with me for asking “what the call is in regards to”
and yes, I wanted to smart off to this person and say “There is no reason to be such a bitch..”
but I didn’t….
I wanted to…oh, I wanted to…
but I didn’t….
oh, and I think I’m getting sick, so that doesn’t help.
SmBfH has been in the office all week with “the crud” and sounds like she’s on deaths door.
this morning, I woke up with that “back of throat YUCK/HURT thing going on” and a headache that feels like a marching band has set up camp inside my skull. dammit….
I don’t need a new mortgage. But when I do, I’d like to enlist the services of Ms. Tittyshirt please.
(She’ll know what it’s in regards to.)
You sound like you could be my wife. She has this crap happening to her at work all the time and she’s always the one expected to drop everything and answer, or whatever else it may be.
As for the phone harassment from the harassment department, report them to the Police Department. There is a law regarding how many times they can call within a certain period before it constitutes harassment. Or you could report them to the Better Business Bureau or the FTC.
That was the part I hated most about office work, the fuckin’ phone!
Whomever answers the phone always get the crap, and that sucks. I once told someone, who was really bitchy, that I wasn’t paid enough for him to give me shit, and hung up.
haha. I love it. that was fantastic. I don’t miss answering the phones for those reasons above! sheesh. poor thing.
You are scaring me
#1
And you say you wouldn’t be a good mother – you’ve already got some of the basic tenants down!
1. doing everything for everyone – check!
2. being able to do more than one thing at once – check!
3. swearing and bitching about the situation when no one’s around to hear it – check!
Sorry you’re feeling bad – I woke up with that very same thing. Shecky’s got it too. It’s gonna be SUCH a fun party…
Oh, and sorry about the phone thing. That really bites. In your dream job, may you never have to answer the phone!
that was a most excellent rant kitty. i am so there with you it’s not even funny! yesterday I truly felt like punching one of the salesmen. between dealing with co-workers and the phones…it’s enough to make ya slightly bonkers.
This is why I love my job. When people get pissy with me, I just stick a needle in ‘em. Problem solved. If they spit on me, I put a mask on their face. See? No problem. I do not understand why you have not applied for my job yet Kitty. And no, the Chief will not let us have Dalmations. And yes, it is because he’s a big ‘ole poopy head.
kitty…
m.e.o.w….hopeyou are feeling better. Okay from a guys point of view. head on over and make him take care of you. He is only agreeing with you cause he doesn’t want to lose you…
So BOOB go on over and let him be a man …JUST FOR YOU!!!..take care,
Scooter
My favorite telemarketer line ever was when my dad worked for Sprint. When the other phone companies would call, she would tell them she was sleeping with her Sprint rep and was sure they couldn’t give her a better deal than she already had!
Fuckin A
peace
#2
as i’ve said many many many times … i hate stupid people
Ok…I have to admit. I dont know what you wrote about, I just read through to hear you talk dirty! Mmmmm….
I hate answering the phones as well. So sorry! But love that you shared your potty mouth!
I hated running a switchboard. Mostly because I don’t like most people, just in general you know? They suck. ; ) I feel for ya, sugar. I think maybe you oughtta just start answering the phone and everybody that was rude I’d forward it to one of those fingers-are-broken-and-can’t-answer-it bitches. Let the chips fall. I used to send all telemarketers to the office bitch back at an old job. I’d tell them her name so that they could greet her with it and then if she bitched I’d just say oh, gosh, well they asked for you by name. That may be the one thing I miss about that place . . . that was fun.
I’m sorry…
But hey, it always gets worse before it gets better, right? Maybe this is just the time before you get a great job.
Hey!!….I think I dated a Bobby Buttfuck……or maybe that was Bobby Buttnugget……
Of late I’ve been getting cranky with the phone. I’ve been hopping with stuff to do at work, not nearly enough time to do it, and too much priority stuff. I’m late on invoicing again this month because I just can’t flippin’ get to it, and every interruption just makes me more irritable.
But then I take a deep breath and remember working in Disability, the exponentially higher call volume, the fact that everybody who called me was broken, in pain, out of work, losing their home, and felt it was all my fault. Here, the volume is lower and most folks are nice. Even the cold sales calls aren’t so bad, because most of them I can cut off quickly & most of them follow through in the removal from the call list.
And then I feel better.
But … I know how you feel, babe.
Well, the lazy slacks at work get to deal with ALL the phones today. I’m home sick,thanks to that germ spreading heifer last week!
Geez, daytime television is CRAP!
I’m going back to bed…
Blech!
kitty out.
**cough**
Oh no!! I hope you feel better Kitty!! Take TONS of sleep-inducing medicine and zone out for the day. And yes, daytime television IS crap. Long Live my DVR!
Hope you feel better soon.
Oh, and for Sales B’s daughter, my thought was, “Well if you know her cell phone number, why didn’t you just use it in the first place, you idjit?!”
You poor thing!!
Interesting rant – made me so glad I’m not in an office anymore, shudder…
And your comment to Blue on her blog about JMSG was right on the money. Thank God someone is honest about size mattering.
Makes me not miss working in an office that much more. I used to get so pissed when everybody would just sit there with their finger up their ass while the phone rang. Made me want to shove the phone there instead.
Sorry about the sick thing. That sucks!!